family illness, mental health, sexual abuse recounted

Psychiatrist appointment And giving up a key worker

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I was late I’d had an attack meaning I had to get myself together before driving, when I arrived the Dr and psychologist were waiting I was very vigilant he started that it was the psychologist I had spoken to before. .more so I wanted to run now he asked questions about syptoms I felt like i was been compressed by walls, M the psychologist gave me a draft to go over and alter for my plan she had also tried M and H the psychologists from p/n chatted with one and they had thoughts that DBT was gonna be next therapy here at no stage did my key worker come and talk well i thought she would have given them notes but nobody knew anything except I wasn’t well and embarrassment to talk about the sexual feelings was all over so I brushed lightly on the issues. ..Left with a pre plan of possible hospital or respite and I can by myself increase meds if I want grrr agitation I need stability definitely knowing when and how long..but to talk to my key worker? ???
Nonetheless I was seeing her today at 1.30 sick after the appointment I came home and cleaned knowing she was coming and having not vacuumed in a few days patches hair was evident, so I did so ..well 1.30 has come and gone and after a txt at after 2 to her she replied she thought after seeing dr and psychologist she thought she’d skip and come nxt week #### I was mad and replied by telling her i don’t work like that and I’m trying hard to except her help even though on numerous occasions of lately she’s made it clear she’s not educated enough on the complexity of my illness. .iv decided to keep excepting that was ok I’ll except just whatever help from her..
But today I’m feeling it’s over …no more key worker. ..
I don’t do not knowing. ..fuck this system. ..
My husband and myself had a war over my anxiety last night saying lots I’m gonna be a mental useless person that no one can help, im like my mom and no wonder dad left her…
Funny I slept sound last night in the spare room heavy blankets warmth and open curtains I’m not worried about him I’m working to get well for me and he nor no one else will predict my future. .I love him dearly and I know this is pure frustration of not knowing how to cope so M the psychologist is gonna ring and chat with him. .
I WILL SURVIVE THIS IT’S MY JOURNEY OF FALLING AND STUMBLING AND CRASHING AND CRYING AND THEN SOME WHERE I’LL STAND TALL

6 thoughts on “Psychiatrist appointment And giving up a key worker”

  2. Hi L
    You stood with your shoulders held back and took control of your mental health. No one needs a Social Worker who assumes you don’t need her and was not even going to call to let you know. Call bullshit on her and request another social worker. If you are to have trust in Social Worker they have to earn. That would have made me very mad.
    I’m making comments on several post here. Your Husband needs his ass kicked. He is not helping you by saying negative comments about mental illness, and terrible comments in general. He needs to get on board, if he loves you and wants to help you get well he needs to educate himself more on Bipolar Disorder and be a support system when you’re struggling.
    I’m thrilled you for the strength to get this rolling.
    You’re on the right track.
    Hugs
    M

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  4. You will get through this, it’s cycles – you just need to remember some times are worse than others. Respite might not be a bad idea, it’s just rest, time out. Trying to function when you’re ill is just trying to run on a broken leg. You need time to rest, gather your thoughts and start again. Even a few days can make all the difference.

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