Well hubby has been at me about loosing weight, we both need to and in all fairness it’s not something his done in past !
But nonetheless his doing it, last year before my inlaws arrived I had been at the Dr and been horrified how much I had picked up ..all because of wonderful meds it was at this point I regressed with meds leaving them slowly getting sick quickly and then been given new ones that were like water literally. ..jokes aside I got really sick and ended up in hospital for seven days unfortunately my inlaws saw me at my worst and I hated myself. .
at the end of march my dad and step mother arrive again this time hubby’s pushing the issue of my meds leave them or change FUCK I’m paranoid instantly at the thought, his made comments how gross it feels to feel my stomach and how it looks not to mention how down I am at present which last night he lied to his sister at dinner saying my stomach was sore I lost it tonight and said I was really trying to be honest no Matter the pain in it …and it’s his own fault if wants to lie to family about my issues. .but I’m depressed down and my feelings go much around family arriving and me telling my dad feels paramount to my progress. ..funny mom is emailing again lots and the guilt of wanting to make my family right play out for me as wanting the happy family -so far from it …but that day I was told I couldn’t go home with dad and my step mom still make feel like I’m searching for the true family. ..
As for mom drug addiction things might not have changed for us as a family and my
starving brothers as mom used all our money on painkillers and the continues suicide attempts,
so me leaving was good my brothers got a second chance and education and I just was me ..poor lisa trying to be someone, but reality I’m hurting still at 43 I feel guilty for leaving and iv been sobbing badly yesterday and today I feel DOWN.
I’m scared I don’t need the added preasure of changing meds getting sick and trying to tell dad …my body hasn’t stop trembling tonight it’s feeling lots !
From the Darkness into the Sunshine 