All posts by fromthedarkintothesunshine42

Our move 

We finally moved a week back its been rollercoaster of emotional feeling and living alone for months now…actually I’m ok alone I haven’t had to explain my emotions to anyone. 

There was period of self harm months back but I’m on track and discovering new stuff about my health I’ll share another day.

Our younger boy has moved out alone and started his apprenticeship in boat missing him however I’m back in hawks bay till I finish work nxt week so I see him daily.

Or older boy is finishing his flight attendant studying in a month ..his the boy at the back 1st on we got graduation for both soon .

I’m finishing work Wednesday nxt week and heading home to our new house by the sea..

And have decided this is my time to shine I’ve supported hubby with work helped kids settle and they off now I’m no longer scared of being alone except I’ve grown strong

This picture was hubby and I having dinner by the sea!

Patches and nikita have settled I drove them up after the truck loaded our furniture ..

That’s the move completed I’m however going through my journey day by day



I got news this morning my uncle passed away..

After years of abusing sexually little black children in Zimbabwe ,mothers,cousins,nephews ,nieces,his sister’s and his mother and then his own kids and later women he met up with on streets …

Just last week his daughter made contact to take this further his wife knew but as always his abusive streak kept all from act it was just recently we said enough AND TODAY HIS TAKEN AWAY IM ANGRY,SAD,MAD AND FRUSTRATED …

Why did we wait for all to be violated at his hands ..the days still clear after he raped me I could bare anymore so I left I ran away ..not thinking who next!

The anger is massive iv been pushing all day tears away I just wanna Run SCREAM how fucking dare he leave and not face the music😆


Riding the waves out

It’s Been a Rough Many Weeks- and I wanna Talk Now But funny I care Nothing in Moments of despair 

This is By for my longest episode

sleep depravation= crazy Uncontrolled Moments like Waves= I RISE AND FALL AND PEOPLE COME AND GO as I PUSH and pull- —

Today Was My first Day Back@ work after Weeks of Battling funny My concentration wasn’t to Bad I survived.

This Past Week I spent in Wellington with Hubby We Moving’ = House Hunting 

And Ive just finished applications for Houses Now and praying sleep will arrive and Mania will leave and Houses will come easy lol

Miss you all, Hope you all doing okay! 🤗

Does anyone care or know 

Feeling… does anyone care what I feel 

People briefly care or think maybe  it’s an act..

Or are they scared???

Is there anyone that understands without explaining for the twentieth millionth time what i feel


the feeling doesn’t leave…

 it veries in intensity ..

grows in strength ..

And I cry in desperation 

In loneliness it grows,festers

Agony,pain intensifies