Tag Archives: change

In my thoughts

APOLOGIES TO MY BLOGGING BUDDIES

Hey guys ,

I’m sincerely sorry for not reading and chatting lately ,I know im not only one going through something and with saying that iv been incredibly grateful to have yous walk along side me encouraging me ,praying for me and sharing with me ..like wise please know you aren’t far from my thoughts .

sending much love

 

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NOT SAYING MUCH

its not that i dont have lots to write about but im slowly rearing a piece of inner connection that wants my attention ,more than to just blurt it out there!

In short my thoughts are much with my fellow bloggers recently and im sending much love …..ive appreciated many encouraging words !

Im in much appreciation each day for the lessons im learning ,and trying hard to view them differently more as a learning experience than obsticals….BUT  that doesnt mean they not challenging,im just handling them with better insight and trying to stay mindful of the here and now !

And when fall like i have yesterday and today to manage it with new insight of here and now …i fall to and cry and pray that ill have inner piece surround me once again to lift me from this nightmare…Because frankly i cant do it on my own ….

Recently just today i was brought to read a verse from the bible about peter…now im not that clued up lol but it goes something like peter is with jesus on the water and the lord says if you believe come out to me on the water ,and intially all goes well his walking on water ….then in a split second his sinking ‘and the lord reminds him of his faith that at that minute it dwindled …causing him to sink in utter panic…but he wasnt left alone the lord put out his hand and helped him!

My journey is a little like this at present….but i know and keep reminding myself i am not alone …and nor are you my friends keep that in mind!

sending much love lis

Coping over this time of year

Coping at this time of year this year round has been different for me…
This year has brought growth ,not without it’s trial and tribulation though !
It’s a feeling through this period of time iv reflected on my many conversations with my therapist. ..

One of which I remember only to well when I started therapy my first session actually I remember her questioning me about me wanting to come fortnightly and that quite honestly in her opinion it wouldn’t work. .at that particular moment my mind went to am I gonna be left alone again ? my inner self fell out of me and I was lost ..lost again as I reflected in that moment when I told my mom about the abuse how he had raped me the day before on my tenth birthday, why did this feel the same?
Again I think it was just the feeling of rejection !
But getting back to reflecting it’s a nice different feeling of been ok with those feelings and even though I still battle with them acknowledging them and naturing them are different.

Another was experiencing the nice feeling with my therapist sitting along side me again something that took courage but I had guts to follow through sitting on the floor with her feeling compassion for someone else  and genuinely been ok not without anxiety but I was taking another step to been the person I want to be ..I even excepted her gentle touch  of reassurance when I burst out crying. .well reflecting I had took another chance that day and as i tell you this piece it’s a nice heart felt feeling one you don’t wanna let go of!

And before this therapist I had harry who has resigned and moved now. .he had told me on many occasions softly gently it’s OK many times Michelle had put her hand firmly on me to help stop the shaking just another leap of faith I allowed to happen. ..

And even as I reflected I know iv fought many times in the process oh even now recently when i was diagnoded with biopolar iv told people to fuck off because I battled in just that instance to allow myself to feel just ok because I’m unwell
I do know now that I have many more pieces to still add to my puzzle and I’m gonna be OK!
These reassuring pieces helped me calm my anxiety. ..
Tell me what’s helped you through this period?