Tag Archives: dissociation

Roller-coaster of emotionsĀ 

Yesterday therapy went ok ..guess what jeanique is saying it doesn’t necessarily mean something happened with dad and me as a little girl,honestly all I remember is screaming when he climbed into a bath with me age 8 actually he had been in the bath a while further more my numb brain can retrieve no more “That’s scary” what will come later on!

Jeanique also says that the feelings I experienced as a young child been sexually abused for so long ..it’s important to remember those early feelings of the abuse I carry every were now as an adult even though I’m not in danger anymore, my reaction remains the same and for that piece EMDR will reprogram my brain slowly! Hooray to thatšŸ‘

We spoke about more present activities we doing together and have also come up with a plan to work on pressing stuff for apart of therapy then move for 15 min to the more present stuff activities. .

Yesterday leaving therapy I felt ok my understood her explanation of why I think more happened later was exhausted extremely tired and honestly last night I was fast to sleep from 9 till 10 am this morning -when all of a sudden I was woken feeling yuk violated and a numb brain I tried gathering my thoughts but unsuccessfully I was so nausea and fragile šŸ˜¢ I layed there till lunch time feeling through feelings and as the day progressed I’m moving slowly around,iv just showered and its a hell of a lot of effort iv tried cleaning doing half jobs and then finding I’m back in bed then I try again and so my day has gone. 

Brian came home and has seen me battling and has organized a weekend with our friends in palmy to relax after dad has left I’m trying to feel ok going but also feel like I’m pleasing him but I’m hoping it’ll be good for me too ..

I’m home till Wednesday šŸ˜•

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Fragmented mind

glass

Its been absolute terror feelingĀ Ā way likeĀ a fragmented mind ….Im those actual pieces of glass just falling to the ground….

Does anyone understand me ?

Does anyone hear me?

Each one carryingĀ  a personality of its own

Im loosing this mind trying so drastically to hold onto normality

But the reality of normality is long gone they tell me,

The pain however ever never goes

But does anyone actually know how lost this fragmented mind is and how important searching for her normalityĀ is?

I just don’t understand why searching for normality is so far and hard to find!

Has anyone seen her complete?