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Been torn apart ,my mom the druggie

my mom is a drug addict addicted to all and every pain medication there is …But she’s been free for few years

But recently I detected her slurry voice and when I mentioned it my sister told me nonsense you exaggerate…

Tonight she rang to apologize mom is bad

After years of her hating neglecting and abuse it still hurts like fucking she’ll be my mom there for me to hold love like a mom should..why do I expect it? she allowed the rapes and abuse why would it change

BUT I WANT A MOM fuck you mom

So it comes out on me

I feel crippled exhausted hatred anger

I just wanna be held told I love you

But guess it never will.

Johnny and Can are around my alters but can has taken to asking many questions usually she never talks Johnny does all that but she’s full my midst of separation again.


Our move 

We finally moved a week back its been rollercoaster of emotional feeling and living alone for months now…actually I’m ok alone I haven’t had to explain my emotions to anyone. 

There was period of self harm months back but I’m on track and discovering new stuff about my health I’ll share another day.

Our younger boy has moved out alone and started his apprenticeship in boat missing him however I’m back in hawks bay till I finish work nxt week so I see him daily.

Or older boy is finishing his flight attendant studying in a month ..his the boy at the back 1st on we got graduation for both soon .

I’m finishing work Wednesday nxt week and heading home to our new house by the sea..

And have decided this is my time to shine I’ve supported hubby with work helped kids settle and they off now I’m no longer scared of being alone except I’ve grown strong

This picture was hubby and I having dinner by the sea!

Patches and nikita have settled I drove them up after the truck loaded our furniture ..

That’s the move completed I’m however going through my journey day by day