Category Archives: Uncategorized

Sadness,anger,hatred 

I got news this morning my uncle passed away..

After years of abusing sexually little black children in Zimbabwe ,mothers,cousins,nephews ,nieces,his sister’s and his mother and then his own kids and later women he met up with on streets …

Just last week his daughter made contact to take this further his wife knew but as always his abusive streak kept all from act it was just recently we said enough AND TODAY HIS TAKEN AWAY IM ANGRY,SAD,MAD AND FRUSTRATED …

Why did we wait for all to be violated at his hands ..the days still clear after he raped me I could bare anymore so I left I ran away ..not thinking who next!

The anger is massive iv been pushing all day tears away I just wanna Run SCREAM how fucking dare he leave and not face the music😆

TELL ME WHY HOW WHEN DOES IT END ..BECAUSE THIS ISN’T THE END HIS SON IS DOING THE SAME 😠😡🤢

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Riding the waves out

It’s Been a Rough Many Weeks- and I wanna Talk Now But funny I care Nothing in Moments of despair 

This is By for my longest episode

sleep depravation= crazy Uncontrolled Moments like Waves= I RISE AND FALL AND PEOPLE COME AND GO as I PUSH and pull- —

Today Was My first Day Back@ work after Weeks of Battling funny My concentration wasn’t to Bad I survived.

This Past Week I spent in Wellington with Hubby We Moving’ = House Hunting 

And Ive just finished applications for Houses Now and praying sleep will arrive and Mania will leave and Houses will come easy lol

Miss you all, Hope you all doing okay! 🤗

Does anyone care or know 

Feeling… does anyone care what I feel 

People briefly care or think maybe  it’s an act..

Or are they scared???

Is there anyone that understands without explaining for the twentieth millionth time what i feel

IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE

the feeling doesn’t leave…

 it veries in intensity ..

grows in strength ..

And I cry in desperation 

In loneliness it grows,festers

Agony,pain intensifies 

My journey 

I very out of sorts and just so low in mood I’m actually not sure why I’m writing even :'(gues I’m hoping in strange way I’ll better be able to articulate my feelings …it’s been rough journey Sharing every up and down my inner most feelings my family drama and my family achievements they incredibly precious I love them dearly ..I guess in its self iv shared it with the world and made some precious friends along the way “remember I love u guys ” never stop doing what you do best you’ve already made a difference in the world by sharing your story showing others they not alone GOOD ON YOU !

Today was therapy nothing really changed until Hannes mentioned I’d said I wanna stop fighting my emotions 😂 iv never cried so much as today as brought me to my knees for so many reasons. .. guess some were im aware of my emotions and just wanting my family around me ,actually last night I never slept I sat and prayed for my husband and boys and cried..

Joining a mental health group 

A Mental health peer support lady rang this morning  asking me to join a small group of ladies for coffee, I was reluctant if anything as inside I wanna be alone but she gently persuaded me in her caring way so much so i wanted to cry its enough my younger boy will be home later so no alone time ,his not my problem I love him..anyway since the call iv changed my mind. ..i guess  I’ll see how it goes been with a group of ladies,I’m feeling underneath odd “home does sound inviting more “!

In days to come

I wanna Sink in a river at dawn 
Lord make me a rainbow, 
To shine over my family ..
 life ain’t always what you think it ought to be, sharp knife of a short life, 
I hope I have enough time to say words to my precious family and friends I’ll make it enough time I promise  ….

I wanna let them feel my love and hope for them …not fear any pain

As for today I wish I’d be singing sunshine on my shoulders makes me smile. .except it’s grey days makes me gaunt and Drury voices seems so close but yet so far and noisy ..

As I pick myself up I’ll try and show you my love and appreciation for just knowing u ..I’d wish to have a cuppa and chat but maybe it’ll still happen in days to come 😉