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My struggle

Of recent I’m not posting my struggles but I’m trying but really feels in vain..but I keep trying.. On Tuesday I venture to psychiatrist appointment as most know it’s been few years since off meds however I’m told I can’t continue therapy with out meds ..G will be there and my key worker but I really can’t feel if I’ll be co operative just because it’s what they want,that’s not fair to keep someone from therapy because of meds.😭

There’s more to post however I’m feeling like keeping it to myself

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Been torn apart ,my mom the druggie

my mom is a drug addict addicted to all and every pain medication there is …But she’s been free for few years

But recently I detected her slurry voice and when I mentioned it my sister told me nonsense you exaggerate…

Tonight she rang to apologize mom is bad

After years of her hating neglecting and abuse it still hurts like fucking she’ll be my mom there for me to hold love like a mom should..why do I expect it? she allowed the rapes and abuse why would it change

BUT I WANT A MOM fuck you mom

So it comes out on me

I feel crippled exhausted hatred anger

I just wanna be held told I love you

But guess it never will.

Johnny and Can are around my alters but can has taken to asking many questions usually she never talks Johnny does all that but she’s full on..in my midst of separation again.