Wow it’s been a hard day painfully feeling my feelings differently…im sore im raw with no protection from this feeling i keep telling myself I can feel its ok I will be ok..
Rawness is the beginning of a healing journey
As I continue my journey I’ll reveal more of the process so since seeing Anthony the Psychiatrist and jeanique they both wanted me to return to Heidi sooner for more relief with an anxiety problem.
Immediately got an appointment for the next day, were Heidi put me on Ars after receiving my first dose at her clinic I felt no different [one thing at this early point i need to reveal she had forgotten to tell me was Ars not always brings all your symptoms out before getting better-at this point had no clue] So off I left with one little packet of ARS for the next three days….by 12 that afternoon I had a headache by 5 pm I had my second dose by 8 pm I was shaking, vomiting,blood pressure had risen horribly ,stiff jaw, pounding heart and yet anxiety was not quite as heightened as usual “this is worth mentioning as I usual freek out by now.By 8 pm I had rang on call to get cover for me there was no wayI i could work. Friday night I had no sleep as I weathered my storm and rode the waves I was now at my wit’s end….Saturday morning early I text this poor woman Heidi explaining what has happened immediately she told me to stop as it had aggravated the symptoms -[yet this once again can only happen if the remedy was well selected and then things should settle 1-2 days ]mmm at this point this never sat well with me and I just wanted this remedy stuff out my body. Its worth it to mention my emotional state had unwound in a flood of tears] BY 1 PM Saturday I HAD FALLEN ASLEEP AND WOKEN AT 3 PM FEELING BETTER. Saturday night I slept like a baby Sunday exhausted sore chest and body muscles…..still I took care even though I went to work took things slowly gently, mindfully the noticeable part was my concentration to me it was far more alert than usual.
Monday Heidi made no contact, Tuesday no contact, Wednesday our younger boy went to her with his chronic sinus disease and as he began filling in the paperwork she asked how I was feeling….Honestly, i was angry before this visit however strangely I feel good different the noticeable part was I was less anxious she noted I noticed the concentration..then I asked about what had happened..Heidi describes it as it has to get worse another word the remedy brings it out before it can better.
I’ve continued without ARS now but Heidi mentions she will use it again in near future …And at present I’m managing great in some parts havent healed complety its a journey.
I’ve been on journey of emotions lately and well sleep deprivation continues as quitiapine or any meds make me feel awful …so recently a few weeks ago I decided to try homeopathy I looked a lady up in the area and rang her…my first appointment was really the “unexpected ” this bubbly personality blonde headed lady got me at the door..
After a few minutes of brief paper work and embarrassment not sure to reveal I had ptsd ..so just put anxiety I relaxed back for the nxt stage.
Her nxt pieces were nothing to be expected lol..she began questioning in depth back and forh my feelings,events etc this process was 2 hours. The journey here after has been intended as it wasn’t as straight forward as me taking her meds as my fear of meds is still there..so her initial first step was rescue remedy mixed in water this took a whole hour and i was feeling different..the nxt two days after I started on Aconite with rescue remedy..i then started to get sick with my stomach a stomach issue I have with resistance to food its been 5years battling on off..Heidi then did a acute course of treatment for a week I’ve just started normal meals and swelling has gone to..but have cut many things out.
Yesterday I saw Anthony with jeanique at mental health and however my anxiety and chemical imbalance is not under control they pleased for a start .Anthony wanted me to go to respite and take time off after a recent outburst and voices again,I refused and so he wanted me to go back to Heidi and to increase meds to help with imbalance. Today I met once again this was no different Heidi takes much care well considering her choice in meds so today I’ve started something else as well as supplements I lack ..i must tell you prior to our first visit I had a range of blood tests and saliva tests she uses these to add to her choice in meds in my treatment.
There were a few things I’ll talk about later that contributed to my symptoms I had no clue!
But at present I can’t wait to feel improvement and Begin EMDR differently
Ya it’s true I’m out of control myself …worse of it is losing control of my loved ones as they grow.
It’s hard when your entire life nobody cared for you stuff happened and still nobody care..So when I had kids of my own they became my life and when stuff happened to my older boy age 2 by a teacher i wanted to kill her ..i held onto him like nothing else could when he was bullied for been gay again I nearly killed the cruel children.
Then came Nik I tried to let doctors take this control but again many times I had to resuscitate my boy my husband too …Things were so out of our control it wasn’t funny..
My escaping became my life I’d Run or try till my illness paralyzed me keeping me home for 2 +years again out of control ..Then recently my boy was attack were was I.???at work Running it was my fault…you see some months back he began to stay home lots going no were except college and in a scared moment I’d threaten him if he did get friends a sport etc I was throwing him out…This was the end…And now boy can’t remember what happened this night
He under went a batch of examination and questioning from 3 different Dr…
It appears at some stage he was attacked in the night ..it also showed a staggering alcohol content in him
Nik still can’t remember anything after leaving his friends house its scary
And we continue to watch over him even been back at college