Last few weeks have been hell iv been sick with diverticulitis and finally after my much resistance was admitted to hospital and I had some intervention and exploratory surgery…this has left me so triggered and vulnerable..my first night in hospital had moments of panic on off thank goodness G was around to talk a little and then there was an area with lazy boys next to my room so put my headphones in and listen to Hu until I fell asleep roughly after 11pm climbed straight into bed until 3am I was woken with pain so had meds and obs taken managed the rest through the night.
In short I had a bowel obstruction and after all this I’m raw and incredibly soar I was dehydrated so a drip was put in all the puncturing into my veins and been confined made me feel more vulnerable…
I was given a tranquilizer before the camera but I swear I remember everything.
i fought to be an adult trying to visualize myself on G lazy boy safe by the fire but I couldn’t I was that kid as it felt like a beer bottle going in ,I tried breathing I hang onto the bed crying as I gasped for air”I can’t explain enough how I fought as the pain screamed through me afterwards leaving me vulnerable and bleeding and sobbing .
I’m home and I still continue to battle to eat without pain now taking paracetamol every 5 hours on the dot not to mention other meds for vomiting and to keep my bowels moving.
More to come later