Living childhood memories 

As the days have gone on and we’ve taken dad around our little town and some other outings iv been incredibly greatful to my husband who has shaparoned him here there and every were …my older son has left to go back home and has arrived safely all have time with grandpa ..except me!

Yesterday I had a full day alone with dad family around but they did there own things, and these feelings arouse. .feelings of been touched feelings of utter Chringing, nausea most of all to run and cry sobb. .a few years back I managed to be up front about my abuse from a cousin and multiple friends to dad it took hurendous courage I remember a friend talking with me on my blog Skype and email i battled back and forth between the bathroom and trying to begin ,we prayed I was scared. .now I’m experiencing a flash back of bathing with dad and stuff happening ..the days im experiencing panic attacks and a urge to sit and cry ..how will he take it will he ever return? 

Tomorrow I see jeanique I’m not going I can’t begin to explain this pain ..how much more will arise to cope with! 

I have lots going on at work and I’d rather drown myself there as he leaves Thursday morning early. 

Work I know I can only do for so long as the anniversary date comes closer I’m going on leave to cope alone rather!

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From your heart to mine

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