Living in my uncontrolled head

I wish I’d write when things are going great ,but when I’m in that space I can’t think of anything else than to enjoy every moment !

I’m currently working through my bouncing brain I’m off all meds nothing zero and it’s as if the lion has been let out the cage she’s wild no longer contained by medical standards. ..my psychologist has been away for a month and Friday we resumed mmm jumping up and hugging her was not a great idea just happy she was back except she never budged she became small and I felt embarrassed. .sorry I replied nice to see u!lol 

I think J  was a little overwhelmed by my different personality I told her and all she’s concerned about is my sleep so she’ll be checking mm in not worried I’m wanting to head straight into therapy now and redeem me ..find out why I respond so differently to life and make a different connection with relationships man this is gonna be a challenge I think it’s what iv been through during sexual abuse that’s altered my thoughts, perception and mostly feelings, my biggest been when I get incredibly angry I’m aroused sexually, my brain knows it wrong my feelings don’t this can be hard when I don’t even have a relationship with the other person and then hubby gets something that’s so not connected. .I really live to change this feeling dramatically. .

Therapy hit me hard after Friday just a reminder fuck I’m in the deep end. .baby steps! 


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One thought on “Living in my uncontrolled head”

  1. It’s just a feeling I get when I hear about your therapy. I don’t like that you seem almost ‘worse. When I went for years, and so many of the psychiatrists and/or therapists kept me talking about the past… my childhood and other trying times that I faced and so I seemed locked into them, in my mind.
    It was not until I went to a doctor that brought me from thinking about those dark thoughts, and realizing that’s what would keep me there… and brought me into a way of thinking mainly about the present…the here and now, and the possibilities of the future…… that I was able to heal and leave the past behind, (not forgetting it exactly0 but leaving it controlling my thoughts.
    I don’t know if I’ve explained it well enough, but I feel that if I had found such a therapist/doctor sooner that did that, I would have had healed a lot sooner.
    Some therapists, I believe almost ‘want’ to keep you in your past.
    It may not be the case with your issues at all except I don’t see that they seem to be helping you like I would have hoped they would.
    Anyway, just some thoughts Lisa.. I’m not a doctor and don’t want to seem like I’m trivializing what you are dealing with… Love Diane xxx

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