So tonight I moved rooms upstairs it’s bigger and more air,there’s nothing fancy but they clean or clinical rooms should I say ….
Last night I fought the battle alone without staff and refused most meds what a failure .My prestance to persue a panic attack on my own wasn’t bright I hung on shook like hell until 10 I tried taking myself off too sleep actually I only got a hour if that..from midnight I remained awake watching staff, traffic anything actually until 7 am handover were i showered had breakfast and took myself off to town found a pharmacy for my antihistamines and then Registered at the local library getting a book out,during the early hours of the morning I had written important things to my well being down came back and past out fast to sleep dreaming of drugs and people having sex all over ,I woke for lunch at 12 only to be told that the clinical team were here twice for me and nobody could wake me “wow ” crazy
After lunch I read listen to music and cried and cried hubby and I spoke and his reassurance around getting well and supporting me was there ..”why the hell we fight about it then I don’t know ”
Nonetheless this evening is normally my worst but this evening I ventured and asked a young mom in her early 30s if she’d like to walk with me on the sports grounds she was incredibly happy to do so …and meds iv taken in full :'(I’m still very unsure and scared!
So all in all tonight I progressed baby steps 👍now the next milestone is sleeping 😴