I so want to shout and cry ,and start swearing …..Last night it started by me been incredibly irritable with normal stuff around the house and hubbies lack to help [really petty] It was hubby that pointed it out your whole face says there’s something wrong and the minute he mentioned Mom, job hunting and of course this last week at therapy I tried but failed to talk about the YUK stuff. And now two public holidays both on my therapy days so I go two weeks with out getting to her !Also im feeling that im left to walk out dealing with crap im so not grounded Does she even Know ??
after dropping our boy my sister rang to chat about mom she was transferred yesterday to a new hospital were she will under go physio ..”that’s great “BUT you want to hear the next stuff she’s admitted to using drugs again she’s performing at nurse for her next lot of meds and moody also wanting to get her doctor because he has prescribed her drugs obviously knowing nothing about her past addiction !There’s a stash of benzodizopans at her flat as well as other ones all very similar and that she mixed and matched in the past greatly at no joke of a lie it was between 30-50 tablets in a day falling around nearly killing us on many occasions!
I tried to say well talk later because I so wanted to cry …the morning spiralled down and I was on my way to hell so I decided to ring mental health I met someone nice and we chatted it through the feelings of past abuse its funny my body goes into shock and im petrified something awful is going to transpire I shake my bottom hurts ,my heart pounds , her never knowing my children till late in years was massively heart retching my oldest was three when she met him and she hit him many occasions [why I never protected him more ] my youngest she met when he was born but again little contact for years as a proper grandmother …..Iv come home and rapped myself up laying on the bed and im trying to pretend shell be fine BUT IM WORRIED ,will she survive this time round?