Why so fragile? ?

A few weeks back a counselor made contact to start work with her ,not sure I told yous but now probably 3 weeks ago iv seen her yesterday for the 3rd Time she’s really come in at a time were Angela was useless and trying to sort meds hasn’t worked and motivating me to talk up and not stop fighting for my rights..
Anyhow by yesterday I was already into a  few days experiencing out of body pieces and hating been out of control means more fighting and moods up and down .Yesterday at Becs my brain was screaming I was silenced in my own body as  hypervigalant as i was i couldn’t express my needs my feelings as gently as she coxed me i wanted to run ..”I AM THAT CHILD AGAIN ”
crying on off trying to get control felt a must i was scared ,out the corner of my eye I see a sand box I hadn’t seen before and all of a sudden we playing there I’m standing behind a chair as protection to run or hide it was just another one of my abusers games except im at therapy experiencing feelings that make me wanna vomit ..I jump up move towards a window I’m aware of this feeling and I wanna run from people I verbalize it to and Becs says it’s only because you were threatened by people you need time out respite. ..
Im trying hard not look at the sand nausea follows on off and Becs ask me to choice an expression on her cabinet that i feel now I can’t “please leave me “but I can’t again talk I’m frozen I’m warm in places that feel revolting!
Was Becs becoming annoyed at my lack to talk I don’t know i do care ..but care for nothing other than to feel myself once again. .


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