So two weeks ago I started this group work ,called dealing with distress however iv told you about my first session and my week of hell this is were im at now —
Is this possible I ask myself without even being able to answer It myself, crazy as it sounds –YESTERDAY = A fabulous day
Dissociation was far from me I noticed so much driving to group that actually at some point I thought I was lost lol this is so true -excited to get started I shared my crap week or a week of hell were others so could relate to my ups and downs which of course in its own makes a difference never questioned my craziness .Another ASPECT =yesterday me staying with my feelings which to contributed to a good feeling of being in control my brain was been very co operative=HOORAY as this seldom happens for me!
After Group this lady walked out chatting to me and a guy from group joined in from behind, the lady left and we continued to chat and said goodbye as I reached my car and climbed in I felt oozy,drained and nausea and as I sat in the warmth of my car accepting there’s a trigger, my brain partially recaptured the sexual abuse the smell of deodorant the smell of sperm and feeling emotions I actually started to cry but also became still and no vomiting accured ,with great excitement I write telling you all this as my battle has been for a long time projectile vomiting at smells ,noises and even people=incredible ,stress resentment and hatred to myself always questioning, when next .
But today presents a question in its own , as I have not slept now for 28 hours ,what is happening usually no sleep =down ward spiral fast could yesterdays so awake brain be a distant memory fast ?I don’t wont to loose yesterday ,but im incredibly wide awake I walked patches at 6;30 on the beach did breakfast and then walked him again ,cleaned the house did the washing ,took a warm shower and yet still im incredibly high…..im scared but so hanging onto yesterdays feeling of really living!!