Having many different emotions in one day can be from waking with anger ,then crying, then suddenly a burst of energy, then shaking draining one’s body of its sudden urge of previous energy, then bang ,voices emerge, no energy to even do the necessary the most important, then comes my mobility I battle to walk ,talk everything hurts ,my heart pounds its taking every ounce of energy from me today ,iv tried desperately to hang on to strategies and distractions and though I barely did it ..I DID IT !
As the day ended I crashed needing reassurance to get through the last piece my boy was heading home and then hubby and all my family are tired of my roller-coaster moods ..I JUST WANTED TO BE NORMAL OK FOR THEM FOR ME ..
As my husband returned home my boy had already noticed my mood hubby hugged me we ate and briefly spoke about our holiday when I mentioned that we stay home as finances are just settling after last year turmoil ,it was then he turned in mood and said he’ll go visit family in London we can stay home …
His issues isn’t mine I can’t tonight I just needed his arms around me love ,kind words. ..it’s hard what mental health does to one’s family iv tried to stay focused on my boy after this but even that was hard I so wanna be normal ok enough to go places ,the weekend I vomited on a trip to town with hubby lucky I managed to keep control and not flip out.
ITS AN EVER EVOLVING CONTRIBUTION TO MY LIFE ..YET I HAVE TO SAY -EVEN WITH ALL IV LEARNT -“I hate it” and will not except it