Dear May month Please pass quickly !!

ITS HURTING AGAIN !

Its the  month of may I loth self worthlessness  arises !

I try claw my way out , but my all still peeks if its safe to come out

I resist it

fighting with all my  being

tired or not ,

I refuse to feel its pain

it never fails to be different

how could I be changed for life ?

I was groomed from age 3 by him,

a thought that prevails is sickening

in just a short piece of night I would never be virgin again

I never asked for it …

but instead it was presented to me

a gift on my 10th birthday, I remember he called it !

There so many other pieces that arise in me to want to  say ,like how Fxxking dare you , I hate you ….but none will ever match the honesty of saying , I so never wish you suffer the same my dear abuser and I hope you find a better way in life …..

I will continue to fight ,rage my way through the trauma with all it takes ,my new meds continues to slowly add I think some alteration to my moods and sleep. Its not quite felt in a hip hip hooray sense but there’s something different …”

WHAT WHO KNOWS”

As for my Brain I know nothing is changing there and ya its scary for to feel it alone here the voices and try to be normal , I  stay on auto pilot of knowing what’s best for me than listening to my voices….so I thought I might laugh or cry when I read this….

I