What’s new and our updated version of health

Costrochondritis ,is our boys new diagnosis it’s inflammation of the chest cartridge and for no real reason can develop. .the treatment remains the same as for a viral infection of the heart, inflammatories of a different sort are prescribed so we began today. .as to his activities it remains the same his still relatively still but doing ok!

Tonight I had contact with the family in sa they’ve arrived home safely. .but the conversation went very much like this..
ME–How was your flight home ?
THEM–very long you know we had a 10 hour stop over in Singapore. .
ME– shame wow it is incredibly long but so greatful to see you guys again, and of course glad it’s not me flying again. .hence the panic attacks in my flight to NZ 7 years ago. .lol
THEM–well you know next time lisa it will have to be you because we can’t do it again  (not because of money let me tell you now!) But my family forcing me to fly again. .
Anyway lisa hope you happy you told your dad about the abuse and rapes and you can move on with life now get over it ..you know his still not sure what to do about it ..his hurting you know!
ME– GRRR get over it i wish I fucking could. ..except I never said that but ya ya I bet he hurts I do too!! And now you wanna do something? Never said it either
It’s a first I raced with a pounding heart to get off Skype. .expectations from all over ..Hubby arrived home I’m glad don’t get me wrong but his expectations are full on too and my experiences of lately are overwhelming me sleep deprived and anxiety at a all time high I threw meds away this week and have suffered without even noticing the effects on me ..existing but been non existent. .here but not here ..disociation my long time friend who arrives when all seems so bad,I’m greatful!
This week I also had major work changes we lost a contract and my hours are reduced. .happy hell ya I can now excit this world of incredible triggers and stay home in my safe quite place hide behind my couch. ..
It’s a huge piece lately I don’t wanna be around people I have extreme anxiety and feelings of wanting to die rather. .by this i don’t mean I’ll kill myself but ya the feelings are there and are exchausting. .

Today we spoke about how much more I can endure I’m trying hard for my support at mental health to hear me as well as hubby
I was given zopleclone to sleep and more eppilum with a wish by a dr I never met to continue oh ya and a passed on diagnosis that he wondered if biopolar was more it ..and maybe we can meet Tuesday. .???
Will I even go if it’s about a diagnosis again. .or change of meds,NO !!


One thought on “What’s new and our updated version of health”

  1. Lisa… there will always be those who say ‘get over it’ no matter what form of mental illness is involved… Just shake that comment off … and dwell instead of yourself….your family. I’m glad Nicholas got a final diagnosis and it is not his heart. Please just concentrate on what you need to… taking care… discussing issues related to your family. Allow God to be a part of all that you do… and take whatever help is offered… as long as it is ‘helping’….Take care…we’re leaving soon…Love Diane xxxx


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