Pain at physio

I arrived at physio, last year I hurt my neck and on off I’m waking paralyzed from mid spine up to my neck and left shoulder. ..
Anyhow I was exhausted I never slept last night I eventually saw my bed at 6:30 am this morning iv been dragged into the depths of darkness and heavy is making light of the feelings!

Lee calls me to come in, and I go in immediately she sits down ..What’s wrong lisa I’m blown away is it this obvious? I’m ok thanks. ..I change the subject I think it’s getting better my neck but there’s preasure on my spine. ..come lie down she rubs my back and I cringe! !!!! Lis what is wrong I burst out crying nothing. .nothing?
I try breathe that feeling of trying to do it quietly I choke ..she gently starts massaging my neck ..it passes
She asks questions  about my therapy she knows about my family trauma or just the hi jacking I try answer the questions  sometimes Im even quite because I’m scared of crying. ..
But i think i cried more than I’d like to say here.

Honestly I’m very down and I know only i can help myself. …
But more honestly I don’t wanna know life right now …

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4 thoughts on “Pain at physio”

    1. I do know others do care Diana, I’m just really angry at myself that I’m feeling so down with ptsd syptoms and not ok enough to function in the here and now…
      I so wanna be ok believe it or not. …but each minute of a day I wonder why me and the vision to escape it grows of lately.

      Breathing is just hard so how do I even live ??

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      1. Lisa, you think of those who love you and care about, and you never lose hope…. Hope and faith we have to hang onto. You put a vision in your mind of being well. I had depression for so many years, and I thought I would never be normal again.. but I ‘am’ and if I can so can you! Diane

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