Today’s hurdle

So yesterday I put it out there,what was I hoping?  Relief maybe. ..but instead I was sick with a headache fell asleep until 9 drained woke and was forced there on to sit into the darkness of the night

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with it until 6:30 am when my alarm went off…
So with no sleep hypervigalant iv tried my best to be ok ..but I’m not …I’m pretending. .just like I did after the years of rape…IM OK..HELL  NO!

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So i ventured further and rang my old psychologist hoping for some logic or even maybe his soft voice nurturing me along that I’ll be ok ..but  he wasn’t available I left a message ,a start I guess but iv received no call back.

Then at 4 my key worker rings she has managed to move me to the top of the list…does this mean I’m crazy? ??
And a psychologist will ring me tomorrow hell no i want my old one but his moved and this new one knows what’s happening. ..IT’S OUT I CAN’T BREATH
and to make things a little more over the top I start DBT group therapy it’s not optional my key worker  thinks but of course I can say no this will start after seeing the psychologist. ..worst off I know this lady taking group therapy she worked for us ..it’s just knowing someone there I don’t like !

I so badly feel like “different”. .when I spoke today with my key worker it felt serious  and breathing is hard ..she organizing things fast and I feel more to blame-
Hell I hate you ” life “

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6 thoughts on “Today’s hurdle”

  1. I am so sorry and I do hope that you get some relief from these emotions soon. Stay strong and brave, it’s happening because you can manage these feelings.

    I can relate to the no sleep. I hardly slept last night and today I am falling asleep at my computer and also feeling quite fragile.

    Take care and sending you warmth and hugs. Hang in there it’s going to get better!

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  2. It’s difficult but they do say we need to sit with our emotions to heal and the fact you associate current emotions with the rape is difficult, but necessary for healing. Group therapy can be a challenge, but it can be very positive as well. Good luck with it and I hope you get everything else sorted with a new psychologist

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  3. Just because things are happening does not indicate they think you’re crazy… but just someone who needs some support… sooner than later… I know another blogger who really wants to have DBT but there is such a waiting list where she is, that she can’t get it.. at least without paying for it herself…. I hope that it helps you.. Just relax and realize that others care about your well being… ‘thank goodness’… take care Lisa… take care Diane

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      1. Whenever you start to feel that overwhelming confusion and stress, remember that ‘God is not the author of fear…but one of power love and a sound mind’… That’s what God wants for you… and I will pray for that for you, and a peace that passes all understanding…. Diane

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