So yesterday I put it out there,what was I hoping? Relief maybe. ..but instead I was sick with a headache fell asleep until 9 drained woke and was forced there on to sit into the darkness of the night
with it until 6:30 am when my alarm went off…
So with no sleep hypervigalant iv tried my best to be ok ..but I’m not …I’m pretending. .just like I did after the years of rape…IM OK..HELL NO!
So i ventured further and rang my old psychologist hoping for some logic or even maybe his soft voice nurturing me along that I’ll be ok ..but he wasn’t available I left a message ,a start I guess but iv received no call back.
Then at 4 my key worker rings she has managed to move me to the top of the list…does this mean I’m crazy? ??
And a psychologist will ring me tomorrow hell no i want my old one but his moved and this new one knows what’s happening. ..IT’S OUT I CAN’T BREATH
and to make things a little more over the top I start DBT group therapy it’s not optional my key worker thinks but of course I can say no this will start after seeing the psychologist. ..worst off I know this lady taking group therapy she worked for us ..it’s just knowing someone there I don’t like !
I so badly feel like “different”. .when I spoke today with my key worker it felt serious and breathing is hard ..she organizing things fast and I feel more to blame-
Hell I hate you ” life “