Feeling down

Iv been working hard this last fortnight, been mindful of my energy iv had no choice but to keep going and picking up Xtra shifts as our boy moves next weekend and we paying the board and food for the first week, over and above this a colleague’s family member passed on so I did her sleep over to. . As well as picking up xtra shifts and sleep overs at 3 now totalling   82 hours I’m feeling sick!  just to paint the picture I usually only do 50 odd hours and 1 sleep over a fortnight ,so this is crazy for me !
In this fortnight hubby was rushed to AE with blocked intestine and iv been juggling work and his interview stuff as he can’t really drive…by Wednesday this week I broke crying and pieces of my abuse are in my face terrorizing me iv been breaking down crying here there every were Thursday I pushed myself until last night, wide awake I could feel how real this pain is aching throbing realing me in slowly. .this morning been  painfull my body pushes pieces out ,I find it incredibly hard to ignore my bottom screams with sudden pain and I’m stunned for minutes then my brain throws it’s pieces I’m so over it i just want a normal life be able to work and not overwhelmed by normal hours but nothing is normal !

This morning I can’t stop crying I’m saddened by my past and I’m worried I’ll react though i havent. .but can I trust it won’t get the better of me after all these years!
I don’t think I’m even acknowledging I can’t do this on my own it’s just to much. ..I phoned in sick I can’t go in for another sleep over like this…I just can’t …
I WANT A NORMAL LIFE PLEASE LORD

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7 thoughts on “Feeling down”

    1. I should do known not to take on xtra hours but with hubby not working and our boy moving I had really no choice. ..
      Im trying to take care though it feels like it’s in vain ..I’m already anxious and crying. . Thank you for just acknowledging with me how crap flashbacks are !
      Love lis

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  1. I haven’t really read much previously to know what your issues are… but try to know that God is there beside you…just ask him to calm you.. One of my favourite verses when fear crept in was ‘God does not give us the spirit of fear but one of Power Love and a Sound Mind…2nd Timothy 1:7 Keep in touch and take care… You will be….believe it… Diane

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  2. This tiredness is making you so run down and vulnerable. I feel so bad for you. You are running yourself into the ground. Please listen to your body now and step back, you will make yourself ill xx

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