Crisis respite

I’m writing this piece hoping it’ll relieve my anxiety I’m battling!
Let me start by telling you what it looks like.
I arrived at lunch  time but before that i was taken to the demetia unit to hand meds in were there was crashing and bashing my anxiety raised alarms of threats and I began hyperventilating she just sorted my meds out searched  my bag and was showing Michelle out when Michelle said,
wait must i go now “yes “a Chinese lady nice enough but no compassion   Michelle asked for a moment with me and reassured me I’ll be back tomorrow ok and hugged me while tears streamed my face ..I needed meds now!!

It’s a rambling old house renovated into three sections separated
The first is dementia unit second crisis respite and third staff courters .
I was taken for a medical more anxiety and then lunch were there was some  bake all separated in a bowl mmm not sure I jumped hooray  I politely said thanks it was good just the look.. moling around are a many people that are recovering from accidents that have effected there brain ..feels like I’m at work again. .except im the patient  her…how long will I last ?

I was briefly shown to my room thank goodness I’m alone as I’m not sleeping. .
But alone I am ,staff are no were ..and patients living here all help ..I don’t mind especially not working  now and having only known to avoid my feelings by keeping busy ..this is a trial  big time!

I’m worried about my boys, dinner & hubby and things been secure at night here otherwise I get more anxious  …
Are we alone well staff are in the next unit at night? All this is going on..
Iv never been away from my family in nz..I’m trying to remind myself it’s for a short while just till I’m better. .
“BUT  THIS MIND IT WON’T REASON” AND MY BODY DANCES ON IT’S OWN A DANCE I WANNA BREAK!
I tried writing in my journal  laying on the couch watching cows out the window it’s on a farm  and all of a sudden it came on ..see this woman battling mental illness came to chat I was fine I thought ,she spoke of her daughter coming to visit soon and her present she  bought her..I flooded into tears…
This woman was my mom in a place just like this addicted to pain killers  I had to remove myself my muscles became weak I couldn’t move nor breathe. .her family arrived lovely people caring they tried talking to me i even tried. .tears streamed down my face there mom was replaying my mom…
I managed to move upstairs sobbing a panic attack was there I coundnt find staff I rang Michelle no answer ..they managed to show me where to find Kate in a office with two male staff my meds was dished out i felt humiliated crying in front of them  and left to rescue myself no questions asked  upstairs I went. .
Did anyone care?

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6 thoughts on “Crisis respite”

  1. Baby steps, baby steps. You’re doing well, you’ve got yourself in there. Now to nurture yourself, hold yourself close, let yourself be cared for, breathe. Precious care for a precious soul. Keep writing when you can, we are all here.

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      1. It sure is scary; I really feel for you. I remember that overwhelming sadness. The crying is releasing. Soothe that little girl inside, tell her over and over again ‘we’ll get through, we’ll take care of us, we have the strength which has carried us this far in our life…’ Can you slow down? Find some body-lotion, slowly and gently rub it in to the aching muscles – care for this hand, care for the other hand and so on. That’s baby steps – rather than trying to sort it all out at once. It can help to focus on something real and physical – soothing one shoulder, then the arm etc. Not trying to tell you what to do, but just wanting to share things that have helped me to ground when I’ve been in the dark-mess-place.

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