I’m writing this piece hoping it’ll relieve my anxiety I’m battling!
Let me start by telling you what it looks like.
I arrived at lunch time but before that i was taken to the demetia unit to hand meds in were there was crashing and bashing my anxiety raised alarms of threats and I began hyperventilating she just sorted my meds out searched my bag and was showing Michelle out when Michelle said,
wait must i go now “yes “a Chinese lady nice enough but no compassion Michelle asked for a moment with me and reassured me I’ll be back tomorrow ok and hugged me while tears streamed my face ..I needed meds now!!
It’s a rambling old house renovated into three sections separated
The first is dementia unit second crisis respite and third staff courters .
I was taken for a medical more anxiety and then lunch were there was some bake all separated in a bowl mmm not sure I jumped hooray I politely said thanks it was good just the look.. moling around are a many people that are recovering from accidents that have effected there brain ..feels like I’m at work again. .except im the patient her…how long will I last ?
I was briefly shown to my room thank goodness I’m alone as I’m not sleeping. .
But alone I am ,staff are no were ..and patients living here all help ..I don’t mind especially not working now and having only known to avoid my feelings by keeping busy ..this is a trial big time!
I’m worried about my boys, dinner & hubby and things been secure at night here otherwise I get more anxious …
Are we alone well staff are in the next unit at night? All this is going on..
Iv never been away from my family in nz..I’m trying to remind myself it’s for a short while just till I’m better. .
“BUT THIS MIND IT WON’T REASON” AND MY BODY DANCES ON IT’S OWN A DANCE I WANNA BREAK!
I tried writing in my journal laying on the couch watching cows out the window it’s on a farm and all of a sudden it came on ..see this woman battling mental illness came to chat I was fine I thought ,she spoke of her daughter coming to visit soon and her present she bought her..I flooded into tears…
This woman was my mom in a place just like this addicted to pain killers I had to remove myself my muscles became weak I couldn’t move nor breathe. .her family arrived lovely people caring they tried talking to me i even tried. .tears streamed down my face there mom was replaying my mom…
I managed to move upstairs sobbing a panic attack was there I coundnt find staff I rang Michelle no answer ..they managed to show me where to find Kate in a office with two male staff my meds was dished out i felt humiliated crying in front of them and left to rescue myself no questions asked upstairs I went. .
Did anyone care?